Bang Bang Kiss Kiss
by AnnabelleLee13194
Summary: I had always wanted to live in Middle Earth...no matter what. Now after death I get to do just that, and Debbie and I are embarking on an adventure bigger than we could ever imagine. Marysue, LegolasOC,LGOC,LOC,LegolasOC, FrodoOC,FOC,FBOC
1. YEAH FOR DEATH

Disclaimer: I do not own lord of the rings (unfortunately), LotR is owned by J.R.R Tolkein and that director dude

PS: this is based off the movie with some people from the book

Story Begin:

Have you ever had to wake up at OMG its early. Well if you have, you know how much it sucks. You will also be able to imagine how much it sucks to do it EVERY DAY. Turning over in my king sized bed with torquoise sheet and a tan comforter, I looked over at the clock on my white night-stand. A harsh red 4:30 a.m. flashing back at me. I contemplated staying in bed and being later for my teaching job, but decided against it. After all I was still paying off the mortgage to my new house and the last thing I needed was to loose my job.

Yawning and stretching, I slowly climbed out of bed with the sheets pooling around my bare feet, standing and yawning until' I felt I was more awake. Then I almost sauntered into the bathroom for a shower….almost being the key word as I tumbled onto the floor after tripping over the bed sheets. "CRAAAAAAAA- smack …". See that smack , that was me hitting the floor and landing on my ass. I could tell today was gonna be shit, right then and there. Grumbling to myself I kicked off the sheets and got up AGAIN this time successfully making it to the bathroom. My bathroom isn't that big with a black tile floor ,tan walls, white-marble counter tops, one 'Kohler' sink (in the marble counter top), a large vanity mirror, a white bathtub, and a large white shower next to the tub. There was an assortment of shells and other odd things placed everywhere. I also had those blue gell candles, with beach designs in them, placed decoratively around the area . Still grumbling I walked over to the counter and checked my appearance.

My shoulder length brown/red hair was in knots and tangles on my head. My fair skin looked pale and tired making my freckles stick out, and my color changing eyes appeared to be grayish silver today. With a frown I realized that I would have to take a shower because I looked like a greased pig. I also realized it was the last day of school and I would be going on vacation with my best friend Debbie ,the chorus teacher, to the Shell Isles. Hurrying I quickly took a shower washing my hair with chocolate shampoo and my body with cucumber melon body wash. Then I rushed out, blow dried my hair and dressed in a black mini skirt, a white spaghetti strap shirt (that made my relitivley small boobs seem large), a black tie with pink stripes loosely around my neck, and black hot topic flats. Looking up at my clock I realized it was 6:00 and I had an hour to pack, eat, put up my hair, and get in the car. So I multi-tasked. Running into my black kitchen. My kitchen is pretty big with black marble counter tops stretching from about a foot away from the archway (not a door ARCHWAY) and continuing around the kitchen until it reached the edge of the family room. There it turned into a kind of mini bar with chrome stools with a small back and leather cushions on the butt. Five feet from the archway was my chrome stove and just a little farther down (after a corner) there was my large shiny black fridge/freezer with a dishwasher stowed under the counter ,about a foot away, of the same color. Rushing over to the fridge, I grabbed a ham, egg, and cheese hot pocket, stuck in the microwave, and while it heated put my hair up in a loose bun using the black scrunchie I had brought with me.. When it 'beeped' I grabbed the yummy little ham and cheese thing in a paper towel and began to pack.

'Items' _number of said items_

short sleeve shirts of various designs _-8_

tank tops _-5_

shorts _-7_

short-shorts _-3_

bathing suit _-2_

pants_-4_

chocolate soap/shampoo (1 leter)_-1_

ipod video_-1_

solar-powered ipod charger_-2_

cellphone_-1_

snacks and drinks_-tons_

FF School Day 

Getting out of my green Honda pilot I grabbed my stuff (suitcase included) I headed into Seagull Middle and up to the second story, sixth grade hallway , and to my science room, number 301. Putting down my lesson plan, I hurriedly walked around checking for gum under the tables or doodles on desks. As you can tell (or at least I hope you can) I am a sixth grade science teacher (and a pretty damn good one too!). My class has only a few rules. For instance, you are allowed to chew gum in my class, HOWEVER if I find gum under a desk poof no more gum chewing. You also get 15 minutes of free time at the end of class to do whatever you please, but if I find doodles on the desks or graffiti….SAY HELLO TO MY LARGE FRIEND….EL' HOMEWORK OF THE EXTRA! Seeing none I walked over to my stuff and organized the tests from last Friday and the various homework and other worksheets from the day before. When I was finished it was 8:03 a.m. and I had enough time to go down stairs to the cafeteria and put my suitcase in the teachers lounge so it wouldn't get stolen, then say hi to deb.

FF After drop off of numerous shit -8:30 a.m. 

After droppong off my stuff, and talking to a few of my students I walked over to the music hall to say Hi to Debbie , and listen to the southern seagulls singers, well… sing. Though I knew Deb wouldn't admit the girls were good, they definently were. Before I continue, let me tell you what the southern Seagull singers (S.S.S) are. The S.S.S are a group of about 20 girls chosen by the chorus teacher to sing in a special choral group. All of the girls dress in black and white knee length dresses with a round cut neck line that only shows a little skin. Their hair must be put back in a ponytail (or just out of her face if they have short hair) with black shoes. The girls travel to different places, like store openings, for practice concerts. Than, the girls perform EXTRA hard songs at concerts and competions. All of which they rock down the house at. Anyways, after going down numerous twisting hallways, I finally made it to the chorus room, room number 503, in the music hall.

Though the hall was SUPPOSED to be sound proof, you could still hear the numerous sounds of students practicing there instruments or warming up for one thing and another. So I hurridley wlaked around the corner to 503 and opened the large metal and wood door to be greeted with the sound of 'Bird song'. Apparently the song was over because Deb dropped her hands and smiled a some-what satisfied grin. " Well MS. Braven , that was quite a song if I do say so my self!" I called out from my place at the door way. Debbie's golden blonde head sprung around looking amused. "Yes, it actually was quite good,Cici….WE should know, after all we did sing the same song together in Middle School!" Deb called over to me with her blueish green eys twinkling. The girls in the bleachers looked at me smiling, some waving because they knew me as their teacher. Waving and smiling myself, I walked over to Debbie with my arms crossed, looking at her atire for the day. Her golden blonde hair was half up, falling just below her shoulder blades in waves. She had a large amount of eyeliner and mascara on making her eyes pop against her tan skin. Now, if you think my clothes were bad….you aien't seen nothing yet! Debbie was wearing a mini-mini camouflage skirt, with a white (almost see through (which shows her HUGE…BLACK bra)) belly shirt, tight thigh high black leather boots with 2 inch high heels, and a pink dog tag around her neck. Turning back to her whispering class, Debbie yelled out " SHUT UP AND LEAVE ALREADY!". Scuttering out quickly, all of the girls left, leaving just me and Deb. "Hey Deb, you put your shit in the teachers lounge?" I asked her after 15 minutes of talking about nothing. " YESSSS, god you are worse than my mom!" Deb huffed out annoyed for no reason. " I was just checking, the last thing we need is to have our crap stolen the DAY before summer break" I retaliated. Looking at the clock I realized it was about 9:07 a.m. and I had to head to class. Quickly departing with a loud 'GOODBYE MY SISTA' and a sisterly hug, I hurried over to my room to begin the day.

**_FF 4th period luch break_**

Me and Debbie share the same lunch break. That is not all we share though, both me and Debs have the same trouble student……Cassie Turner. Cassie is a relativley large girl with thick brown hair and dull gray eyes. Our young Cassie has had a pretty fucked up life; child abuse from her step-father, teasing because of her weight, bad grades….the list goes on and on. We never thought she would act on her hatred…boy were we wrong. So far it had been a normal day for me and Deb: teaching, yelling, more teaching….get it? We thought the last day would go as planned, peaceful and ignorant, that is until lunch. As me and Debbie ate in the teacher's lounge we noticed something VERY odd, the entire cafeteria was silent. Both me and debbie got up to see the cause of this silence and were dumbstruck by what we saw.There in the middle of the Cafeteria floor stood Cassie, with a gun raised to the ceiling. "Cassie.." we both murmered to ourselves. Our murmer did not go unnoticed and soon the gun was pointed at debbie and I. "YOU TWO!" cassie yelled at us. " YOU DID THIS TO ME" she yelled after a pause. "wha-" I was cut of as Cassie fired a shot into the air with a loud 'bang' into the ceiling causing several students to cry out. "SHUT UP! YOU MADE HIM (her dad you idiots) HIT ME….ABUSE ME!….rape me…ITS ALL YOUR FAULT " Cassie yelled before turning towards Debbie and shooting her twice. Blood splattered on my face as I cried out and lunged to grab my best friend, but something went wrong. I felt a searing pain rip through my body as I fell to my knees holding my chest. Looking down I could see 3 bullet holes spewing blood onto the dirty white tile floor. For a moment I just sat there looking at my chest than back at cassie. But my sight began to fade and I felt my self fall to the floor in a cold pain. The last thing I heard was the yells of students and a horrible evil voice before I felt death consume me.


	2. I hate spiders

Disclaimer: I do not own LotR……unfortunately. Or fortunately because I would lock up Legolas and that would ruin the story!

_**Story start:**_

The first thing I noticed as I woke up was that I indeed had the ability to wake up AT ALL. Though I may be dumb, I KNEW that I had died. Someone with common sense would think 'hey maybe a doctor brought me back!'…Well that person would be wrong. To start, though I felt AMAZING, I could feel the dried blood on my shirt. I could also feel that instead of a not-so-comfy hospital bed, I was on the cold forest floor. A forest because I could feel TONS of dirt, a stick, the shade _(christie13194: yes you can feel the shade…. STOP SNICKERING DEBBIE Deb: is laughing hahahaha…. feelsnortthewheezeSHAAAAAADE falls to floor laughing me: twitch twitch)_, the wind, and insects crawling up my ar-WAAAAAIT, INSECTS! "GAAAH mother of shit! GEEET OFFFFF!" I screeched while jumping around getting _tons _of black, little bugs off of myself.

_**Meanwhile:**_

A short distance away in the forest of Mirkwood, 3 large spiders sat contemplating their next meal. Large food had been scarce as of late; since travelers had decided to travel Mirkwood was too dangerous a trail. It also did not help that the elves had grown to smart for their tricks, and now knew the forest better than they. They prayed to whatever god would answer them for a decent meal yet none could be found. That is until, seemingly out of nowhere a loud screech echoed through the forest. Each Spider looked at one another in a giddy fashion, and with a satisfied 'click, slice, slice' of their pinchers they took off after their new meal. Each leaping from tree to gray tree leaving a thin trail of silver web-silk behind them.

_**ANOTHER meanwhile:**_

It had been a mostly quiet day for the scouts of Mirkwood. Each of the Elves crouched in their talans waiting for an attack of any kind. Among the 13 scouts were 3 men of noble birth: Prince Legolas, and Lords Elladen and Elrohir of Rivendelle (there for a visit). Each of the elves sat at ready, with each of their senses hyped to the max. Suddenly, every elf there turned their heads to the south of the forest were the party picked up a horrible screech. In a silent understanding each per-no elf swiftly climbed to the foot of the tree, and raced to where they heard the feminine screech, hoping they got to the maiden before the spiders did.

Back to Cici 

After I had brushed off all the little buggy things I assessed my surroundings. From what I could tell, it was a very vast creepy forest. All of the trees appeared huge and powerful with dark gray trunks that stretched as far as the eye could see. The floor beneath my feet was a mossy green, with tons of little whitish green flowers survived on the little sunlight that I could see leaking from the canopy. I also noticed that my suitcase was only a couple feet away from me and seemingly untouched. However, the BIGGEST thing I noticed, without a doubt, was I was lost in an unknown forest with no means of getting help. Sighing to myself, I almost went to sit down… that is until' I noticed the rather large furry leg in front of me. Looking up my eyes widened at what I saw. In front of me stood 3 HUUUGE hairy spiders at _least_ 15 feet tall, all complete with large pinchers and millions of gleaming red eyes.

2 words came to my mind as I stared at the monstrous arachnids. "OH SHIT!" I squealed while backing up ever so slowly. Steadily the spiders started to step forward, each with a hungry gleam in their eye. Thinking quickly I yelled out "uh, STOP!" and. …They did?! Each looked at me curiously so thinking up something I cried out "you guys don't want to eat me! I am all bony and crunchy. I'll give you a stomach ache err something!" My pleading however did not work, though the spiders seemed amused. 'Great Christie give them dinner AND a show you RETARD' I scolded myself mentally.

From what you've seen, you can obviously tell I am NOT the smartest cookie in the jar. So using my WONDERFUL makes rainbow motion with hands IMAGINATION _(me: lol GOOOOO SPONGEBOB! Deb: NOOOO …GOOO CAKE! Me: wth! Cake, I never said anything about cake! Deb: oh…CRACK! Me: eye twitch mumbles idiots, I'm surrounded by idiots!)_ I made another plan. This time I ran up to the BIGGEST spider there and gave it a good side-kick to the front leg. Let me tell you, BIG mistake, HUGE! Not only did it just piss the spider off, It hurt my leg! "Fuck man, are you a spider on steroids or SOMETHING!" I yelled at the spider while grabbing my foot in agony.

Looking up I could see that the spider was going to jump at me. However….

CLIFF HANGER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry people, but I just had to.

PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. Say hi to SEXY elve dudes

Disclaimer: I do not own ANYTHING that has to do with LotR….. EXCEPT this sick fantasy world I made.

GO SICK FANTASIES!!!! WOOT WOOT!

Recap: Lets see we left off with an EVIIIIL (Ali (my other best friend): MISUNDERSTOOD!) spider decided 'hey lets eat Cici -is pushed off computer by Debbie LIKE CAAAAAAAAKKKKE' Deb is pushed off and Christie takes control again --;, then we came to my WONDERFUL cliffhanger.

_**Story Begin:**_

As the spider prepared to leap on me and eat me with (imaginary) mashed potatoes, a rain of arrows suddenly flew out of the trees at the spiders. You would think that with hundreds of sharp arrows being hurdled at you the spiders would leave me alone. Turns out I must smell real good, because the next thing I know I am being rushed at by the large spider from before. Before the spider could reach me however, I felt a gentle pang in my chest, and saw a streak of blonde dash out in front of me tackling me to the forest floor. Apparently I had closed my eyes because the second thing I knew (the first being a big thud as I landed on my back with a large weight on top of me.) I was starring into the most beautiful (yet familiar) bright blue eyes I had ever seen. It seemed like an eternity that the man and I lied there, though in reality it was only a couple of seconds. Almost immediately he leapt up taking me with him, and pushed me under one of the large roots of the tree behind me, away from the ev- (Ali- MISUNDERSTOOD! Me: sighfiiiiiiine) MISUNDERSTOOD spiders and very sharp flying objects (me: if you review me and tell me what said sharp objects are I shall give ye' a PREVIEW YEAH!). Then, my (me: MIIIIIIINE cough sorry…. spaz moment) mystery man dashed back out drawing a brown bow with a yellow-feathered arrow and began firing faster than I could see , at the spiders. All of this seemed familiar for me but I couldn't quite place my finger on how it was familiar. Suddenly it came to me; (gorgeous) men in strange outfits, retarded spider-monsters, blue eyes….

_**"OH MY SWEET BABY JESUS! I'M IN MIDDLE EARTH," **_I screeched in shock. Apparently, the me-no ELVES had finished killing of the spiders because all of them turned to me with a wince (because of my earth-shattering screech). Slowly and cautiously a he-elf (me: if you don't like how I said that TO BAD!!) with dark brown eyes and kind yet mischievous gray eyes, stepped forward from behind another elf that looked exactly as he did. " Milady are you alright?" he asked kindly. "I'm abso-fricking fine" I huffed annoyed. Immediately I regretted snapping at him from the tired and hurt look in his eyes. "I'm sorry" I sighed before continuing, "I've had a rough day getting lost, attacked by spiders…dying" I said though I mumbled the last part. The elf nodded in understanding while the one next to him (his twin) spoke up. "Milady, if I shall, I believe we would all like to know what it is you are doing in the Middle of Mirkwood, in such odd and revealing clothing , covered in blood, with an even odder bag?" he said in a stern yet curious tone. Nodding my head I said cheerfully "Firstly, how I got here, no clue, Second, my clothes and bag are not odd or 'revealing', and Thirdly I got the blood from", I paused to think. 'Should I really tell them the blood is from me because I got shot 3 times in the chest?' I pondered in my mind.' Probably not' I answered my self. " A lizard?" I answered lamely. I swear if this were anime everyone there would have a HUGE sweat drop on the back of their heads. "Milady, you have yet to tell us ANYTHING, of use or information, and yet I believe we saved your life" the elf that saved me suddenly said annoyed. Ignoring the tingling pain in my heart I glared half-heartedly at him, than sighed in resignation. " Fine…" I mumbled and began my farfetched tale…

MWAHAHAHAHAHA I shall leave you here. PLEASE REVIEW it makes me feel special and encourages me to write.

Oh and my thanks to:

Rabid yaoi fangirl Blood213

Ali (who has yet to write anything)

Who reviewed and:

Dreammoon

HarmonyBunny1718

For putting me on their favorites!

AGAIN REVIEW….the hipnotoad commands you to…


	4. DAMN LAUGHING ELVES!

A/N: God, it's been like 2 years since I wrote for this story

A/N: God, it's been like 2 years since I wrote for this story! Hopefully my writing has improved.

I knew the moment I finished talking that I was going to be laughed at…. I just didn't think they would laugh THAT hard.

Huffing in annoyance, I crossed my arms and glared evilly at all (And I do mean ALL) of the laughing elves, who literally had to hold each other up to stay standing…some just simply fell over.

"I mean SURE", I thought, "It may sound a LITTLE crazy to them, but they don't have to laugh at me…"

Once the elves had composed themselves, the blonde ellon that had saved me earlier casually walked over to me, and placed the back of his hand to my face.

"Milady, are you ill? Or perhaps have you hit your head, and/or took any strange herbs?" He questioned.

I swear my face was bright red.

"NO I'M NOT HIGH!", I sputtered out, shoving his arm away from my face.

He opened his mouth, as if to speak.

"NOR DO I HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE OR A MENTAL ILLNESS!"

Then I smacked him.

Almost immediately I was surrounded by angry elves, all with very sharp arrows notched at my head.

I then realized what I had done.

Through careful analysis, I came to one conclusion.

That I had just SMACKED, the Prince of Mirkwood- a certain Legolas Thrandrulion.

And the elves, did not like this…

Not at all…

Shrugging sheepishly, I rubbed the back of my head.

"Sorry" I wheezed out, glancing at he many arrows at my head.

Legolas, who apparently had been startled by the blow, nodded his head as if to say "Yo' dawg, it cool. I was all up in your face anyways".

I really need to stop listening to my students talk. They're rubbing off on me.

Still, the elves surrounded me, though the arrows weren't as tense as before.

"Milady-" One of the twin elves began, only to be cut off by me.

"Call me Cici"

Blinking a moment, the ellon collected himself before continuing.

"As it is, you are a stranger in these woods, and by law, must be taken to address the King of Mirkwood" He continued.

I could only nod in acceptance.

After all, how could it get any worse?

Thanks to A. Fang and Silent Kuniochi aka Fiona, for reviewing!

PLEASE GIVE ME MORE REVIEWS!


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